It will be recalled that, throughout the first year of Decry’s existence, its creators spent most of their time ferociously attempting to alienate their only reader. When jibes, epithets, and vituperations failed to put him off, an emergency editorial meeting was called. It was decided that the only surefire way to make sure that nobody paid any attention to the website was to let it fall into disrepair.

In a Hellerian effort to reserve a small piece of the so-called ‘world-wide’ web for themselves, seth, pnts, and rob lazily sent their website into aestivation.

But even without Decry, life has gone on. Freed from their backbreaking editorial duties, the D-Cryminalz have spent the summer accomplishing one astounding thing after another. Here’s a small sampling.

CEO and Laff Manager seth is now well on his way to becoming a Doctor — of philosophy! This is a very exciting development: Decry’s first and very own doctor. It is already possible to feel the buzz of anticipation around Decry HQ, where rob and pnts believe that in five short years, the newly minted Dr. Seth will be dispensing bucketsfull of PERFECTLY LEGAL prescrption painkillers. “Fuck yeah,” reported rob. “Good-bye drab world, hello ephemeral happiness.” “Hey seth,” hollered pnts, “I’ve got a philosophy for you: drop twenty tabs of Oxycodone on me, stat!” Whereupon rob and pnts erupted into gales of thigh-slapping laughter while a flustered seth tried futilely to explain that as far as he knew, historians weren’t allowed to write prescriptions in North Carolina.

Decry Heiress pnts has also been making ‘avast’ strides. Sources close to Decry intimate that pnts has been developing her ties with Big Piracy. Paparazzi have recently spotted her sailing around the Gulf of Mexico atop a crow’s nest, plundering David “Davey” Jones’s locker and targeting rival ships with her newly developed weapons of mast destruction. Asked whether the Bush administration’s inane war on Iraq had enabled her to develop said weapons undetected, pnts replied simply, “Arrr!”

Most impressive of all, however, has been rob, who spent the summer trying unsuccessfully to kick a truly loathsome chewing tobacco habit. Wow! Look out, ladies: here comes the Big Dipper! Rob also proudly reports that he will soon be moving into new digs — with its own flushable toilet! That’s right: no more midnight, tippy-toe standing, peeing in the sink.

The upshot of this newsbrief is this: Decry has been accomplishing great things without you. Decry has even been accomplishing great things without Decry. But it’s fall again, and we’re bored. So we’re back.