Dear ‘Nica’: I’m a bit befuddled by everything that’s going on. Would you please critique the following article from the New York Times? It’s about a pro-war rally in New York City.
Sincerely,
Anxious in Albequerque

Dear A.A.:
Surely. I have inserted my comments in italics in the text below.
Sincerely,
‘Nica’

‘Support Our Troops’ Is This Rally’s Call

Bearing American flags and placards saying “Support Our Troops,” more than 1,000 people gathered in Times Square yesterday for a rally supporting the war in Iraq.

The rally was about 1 percent the size of an antiwar rally that snaked down Broadway to Washington Square Park on Saturday. But Morton A. Klein, national president of the Zionist Organization of America, one of the sponsors of yesterday’s rally, said the disparity was not surprising.

“This is not going to gather huge amounts of people, because we’re already at war in Iraq,” he said. “We won the argument.”

Yup. Congratulations. This reminds me of when I went with a group of protestors to Washington, D.C., on the day of George Bush’s inauguration as U.S. President in 2001. Our goal was to raise awareness of poverty in North Philadelphia’s Kensington district, and our signs were about redressing the massive imbalance of wealth in the United States. We were not protesting, as many were that day, Bush’s narrow confirmation as President by the Supreme Court. Still, inauguration-goers mocked us. “It’s too late,” they said. “We won.” We thought this was sadly funny. It was as if they were saying: “It’s too late. We won. Resistance to social injustice is futile. Read ‘em and weep, you unwashed hippies.”

Still, Mr. Klein said, “We felt that there’s so many other rallies around against the war that this could be demoralizing to troops who read about it in Iraq, and even demoralizing to politicians who support the war.”

Sarcasm: My heart goes out to those poor politicians. That God-fearing Americans would have the temerity to speak their minds in a way that might demoralize hawkish politicians is unforgivable. We elected these politicians so that they might resolutely do what they want without being incumbered by nuisance of public opinion. Stinking rat-bastard hippies.

Some of the people at the rally were members of the groups that organized it, including the Zionist Organization of America and the Christian Coalition of America. But others did not know who the sponsors were. They were just New Yorkers who had reached for their car keys or MetroCards after hearing on television or the radio that supporters of the war were gathering at 42nd Street and Broadway.

Sarcasm: See? War fosters unity. Whoever would have thought that the Zionist Organization of America and the Christian Coalition could be brought together over an issue. God(s) bless America.

Several hundred others attended a rally on Staten Island to show support for the war.

Moments after Dameon J. Reid, 30, heard about the Times Square rally while watching television at home in Harlem, she and her 7-year-old daughter, Aijalon, were on their way. Ms. Reid, who served seven years in the Army, was disappointed with the turnout, she said, particularly after hearing how many people attended the antiwar rally the day before.

Gee, where are all the people who love slaughter? (Hint: watching TV and eating pork rinds in the back of their Lincoln Navigators on the way to soccer practice in Midland, TX).

“If you’re going to fuss, fuss before the war,” she said. “But now that the war is going on, stop and support the troops.”

Resistance is futile! We won, you lost. Support the troops so that they can go die with the knowledge that we ’support’ them. And by the way, stop fussing all the time, you smelly, tofu-eating, hairy hippies.

Maria Clara, from Port Chester, N.Y., held up photographs of her daughter, a Marine reservist, and her son-in-law, a marine who she said was stationed in Jordan. “Don’t get me wrong,” she said. “I’m against war. But they are supporting us.”

What?

“People have to see,” she said. “These are our sons and daughters.”

Ohhhh. Wait, what?

Ashley Hope, 26, a painting student at Hunter College who lives in Park Slope, Brooklyn, said she had lost friends over her support for the war.

Ms. Hope, who wore a sweater decorated like the Union Jack and sunglasses on top of her long hair, carried a sign reading, “Does it look like I own oil stock?”

Duh, I dunno. What do people who own oil stock look like? These people do not yet have the knack of making good signs. Acid-tripping, ferret-owning hippies fuss all the time and have, by trial and error, gradually learned to make clever signs.

Eugenio Fernandez, 39, a school bus driver from Queens, said he hoped the rally would lift American troops’ morale — and weaken that of the Iraqis.

“If they see that we’re 100 percent behind our troops,” he said, “they won’t be encouraged to keep fighting.”

Perhaps. Leave aside for a minute the fact that protesting a war does not indicate lack of support for troops (or that it might actually indicate the opposite). The fact is that we are not 100 percent behind this war, despite what Fox News polls show. In fact, judging from the respective sizes of the two rallies, one would think that we are exactly 1 percent behind this war.

But, of course, that’s because the silent majority is too lazy to get out on the streets.